It's Father's Day in New Zealand. A time to celebrate dads and what they do for us. But unfortunately, today is not always a happy day for many people. For far too many, both children or grown adults, the term father is connected to bad memories that they would rather forget. For some, it may have been physical abuse, sexual abuse, or the sheer terror of a father figure. This may have affected them for years. It is the sad truth that for some people, this day reminds them of pain and suffering. All things negative instead of things positive.
The sad reality is that domestic violence is a huge problem in this country. Some of our children are in conflict zones, their childhoods under siege. If we could see into their lives we would see the emotional equivalent of bombed out buildings, landmine devastation and rubble from tanks bulldozing their way around shelling indiscriminately. And sadly, far too much of this devastation on our children is at the hands of so called father figures.
This has to end. There has been so many campaigns telling us “it’s not okay”. Yet too many times police have to attend domestic violence calls. The increasing financial pressures that many families are under increase the likelihood of domestic violence. People are at the end of their tether. But it is never okay to get violent. The other day I witnessed an incident where a male (and father) ran into a house wielding a skateboard like a weapon. I can only imagine the fear that the children in that house must’ve felt. Or worse, the flight instinct had already kicked in and the children were already hiding away from “angry daddy”. I couldn’t think about those children and not do something, so I called the police. Hopefully as a result of the subsequent police visit, the father seeks help, the mother too and the children have the opportunity to deal with the fear so it doesn’t hinder them throughout their lives.
So today, celebrate with your fathers, young and old. But please take some time to remember those who find this day difficult. If you are a father and you have noticed that you're losing your rag too much, please reach out for help. A real man doesn’t try to tough it out. A real man admits his mistakes and seeks support and help. There are plenty of amazing groups that do a fantastic job of coming alongside men and helping them. If you know someone who you are concerned about, come alongside them, let them know you are there to help and that they don’t need to leave their children a legacy of violence and pain. If you or someone you know is dealing with the pain of a violent father, please be brave and talk to someone. You are worthy of love. What your father figure has done in the past wasn’t good. It never is or will be ok. But you don’t have to live the rest of your life in fear of that ugly and ultimately false version of manliness.
Remember, what we do in the present leaves a legacy for our children in the future. As men, let’s leave a legacy full of love, care, strength, and bravery.
The sad reality is that domestic violence is a huge problem in this country. Some of our children are in conflict zones, their childhoods under siege. If we could see into their lives we would see the emotional equivalent of bombed out buildings, landmine devastation and rubble from tanks bulldozing their way around shelling indiscriminately. And sadly, far too much of this devastation on our children is at the hands of so called father figures.
This has to end. There has been so many campaigns telling us “it’s not okay”. Yet too many times police have to attend domestic violence calls. The increasing financial pressures that many families are under increase the likelihood of domestic violence. People are at the end of their tether. But it is never okay to get violent. The other day I witnessed an incident where a male (and father) ran into a house wielding a skateboard like a weapon. I can only imagine the fear that the children in that house must’ve felt. Or worse, the flight instinct had already kicked in and the children were already hiding away from “angry daddy”. I couldn’t think about those children and not do something, so I called the police. Hopefully as a result of the subsequent police visit, the father seeks help, the mother too and the children have the opportunity to deal with the fear so it doesn’t hinder them throughout their lives.
So today, celebrate with your fathers, young and old. But please take some time to remember those who find this day difficult. If you are a father and you have noticed that you're losing your rag too much, please reach out for help. A real man doesn’t try to tough it out. A real man admits his mistakes and seeks support and help. There are plenty of amazing groups that do a fantastic job of coming alongside men and helping them. If you know someone who you are concerned about, come alongside them, let them know you are there to help and that they don’t need to leave their children a legacy of violence and pain. If you or someone you know is dealing with the pain of a violent father, please be brave and talk to someone. You are worthy of love. What your father figure has done in the past wasn’t good. It never is or will be ok. But you don’t have to live the rest of your life in fear of that ugly and ultimately false version of manliness.
Remember, what we do in the present leaves a legacy for our children in the future. As men, let’s leave a legacy full of love, care, strength, and bravery.
No comments:
Post a Comment